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life update

I finally sold my MetalMatte palette and Cocoa Contour palette. It was also my first time meeting my customer in real life aka COD with them. It was nerve wrecking for me but I’m glad it went well. The lady was a housewife who couldn’t really go shopping as she was dependent on her husband. Thank god she was friendly and not some nut job who wants to con me. I gained RM250!!! I put off 5 months to sell these palettes. Apparently for no reason…other than shyness and anxiety. I should just do it!



I recently turned 30. And I refuse to think that being 30 is old. What matters is how you feel inside and that your age is just a number. That being said, being young at heart also means taking care of your health so that your number will be just a umber and not your body’s age. I’m currently struggling with my fitness plans whereby eating healthy and in moderate portion is still a challenge. I also wanted to exercise again but haven’t done so. I hope to rectify that soon.

Vlogs…one of my new plan for my life. When we’re in JB, my friend and I tried vlogging for the first time. And I must admit that it was not as easy as it seems. We gave it a shot. I can’t he;p but feel awkward and cringe every time I watch the clips. I think I need to just keep doing it so that it won’t be cringey anymore. Everyone sucks at first, right?

Oh and I got my contacts yesterday! I had ordered them online, instead of the usual way of having to go to the optometrist to get them. I knew the power of my lenses, so ordering online is easy. I watched my favorite video on how to put in contacts before I put them on. Side story, 10 years ago I had tried putting in colored contacts but I failed every time. And then I gave up. Even my brother couldn’t do it. So this is big for me. So I tried. And I think maybe within 5 minutes I got the right side in! The video really helped. It stings at first, but I closed my eye for a while, then move it side to side and around. It then felt better and I couldn’t believe that my eye could see clearly! It was joyous. And weird, having half my eyesight clear and the other half blurry. I wanted to put the left side quickly. But to my dismay it didn’t want to cooperate. Somehow my left yes always wanted to close up each time the lens touches my eyeball. I tried for a while, but my eye is getting red and irritated. I then stopped to rest my eye a little. I laid down and closed my left eye for about 5 minutes. When my eye felt better and not red anymore, I tried again. This time, I was determined not to blink. I vowed to try and keep my upper eyelid open and not freak out at the sensation of the sting. At first try after the resting, the lens stuck to my eyeball and I slowly close my eyes and pull my finger away. I closed it for a while and then moved my eyeball around. IT’S ON! I was so happy that I finally have the contacts on both my eyes! I couldn’t stop smiling.

I put my contacts on quite late in the afternoon, so I had to refrain myself from taking a nap.  I roll around on the bed and watch some videos, and I also read my book for a little bit. When I was feeling sleepy, I went downstairs to watch some tv. I wore my contacts till late at night. My mom didn’t notice that I didn’t have my glasses on yet still able to see clearly. I did some cross stitch. Then I noticed my eye getting tired and dry. When my vision got slightly blurry and I had to blink to be able to focus again, I thought it’s time to take them off. I did have an eye re-wetting drops but I was lazy to use it. I was at home anyway, not really doing anything. So I went to my bedroom to take them off and get ready for bed. Taking them out was relatively easy, using the technique used in that same video. I was really pleased with my experience this time. I cleaned the lenses with solution and placed them in the case with some fresh solution. I can’t wait to use my contacts again. Today was not eventful, so I didn’t wear them. I think it would be great to wear them outside. Oh imagine driving, going to the mall, to the movies, concerts, every where, really!

That’s all for now. I will write more when I got more to tell….




(it has been so long since i done this stuff! used to LOVE surveys.)


Are you strong enough for this survey?

Do i need to be strong for answering questions?

Whose bed were you on last, other than your own?

Um. i only use my bed

When was the last time you laughed so hard you couldn’t breathe?

hmm i can’t recall…so not recently. oh i miss laughing like that!

Are you someone who’s an asshole because you’re so honest?

sometimes. if im tired or bored, i tend to just say what’s on my mind. also i’m oblivious to social cues or political correctness.

Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit?

Nope. but i’ve cleaned up my cat’s vomits.

Do you drink more apple or orange juice?

apple. also this is because i don’t like the pulps in orange juice.

When was the last time you cried? Why?

two days ago while watching the movie LaLaLand 😦

Who’s the last person you talked to in person?

my brother

Are you in a good mood?

yup…filled with inspiration and hope since watching LaLaLand

Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your gf/bf?


Would you ever donate blood?

when i’m brave enough

Would you rather drink coffee or tea?

tea. or neither. coffee doesn’t agree with me.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot?

when i was 16

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?


Do you think someone is thinking about you?

i hope so. but no.

What’s on your mind?

i need to go to sleep, im uncomfortable and hot.

What are you doing tomorrow?

go to sewing class

What are you doing tonight?


Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?


Has someone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you?


Do you get distracted easily?

yes! i think i have ADD.

Is there someone you wish you were still close with?

ummmm…i don’t think so. i’m happy with my friend/family right now.

Do you always care what you look like?

not always. i just try to not look like a troll.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?


Do you get easily embarrassed?

yes. so i don’t like surprises.

Do you believe in love?

yes i guess.

Do you go tanning?

no need!

Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

no i won’t! how boring it would be.

Is there someone you really like to hang out with and just talk about stuff?

Yeah sure you know who you are 🙂

Did you climb trees when you were younger?

no. i was very sheltered.

Have you ever started a sentence with “no offense, but”?

i don’t think so.

You’re single, why?

there’s a lot of reason. i’ll list two: i don’t go out a lot, and i’m picky.

It’s 2 in the morning and you get a call, who is it?

wrong number maybe.

Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months?

not likely. like i said, i don’t go out a lot, so not likely to pick up guys.

Do you always answer your phone?

only if i know who’s calling. or if i’m waiting for a call to a job.

Do you think you’ll have the same best friends a year from now?

yes absolutely!

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?


Is there a specific moment you can replay in your mind perfectly?

a lot. sadly, my mind always replay the most embarrassing ones.

Have you ever regretted letting someone go?


How long was your longest make out?

never made out.

Do you want to dance? 

Yes pls

Do you like someone?

but i like only celebrities. not attainable.

Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

i don’t know. maybe in 3 years? hahaha

If the person who hurt you most said they’re sorry would you believe them? 


Has a boy/girl put their arm around you the past five days?


Which is harder, walking away from somebody you love or coming back to somebody who has hurt you?

i think maybe coming back, because i would never be able to do that.

Have you kissed someone in the past 3 days?


Do you think it’s cute when someone kisses your forehead?


Where are you?

my living room, in front of the tv.

Have you ever told anyone you were okay when you really weren’t?

countless times.

I bet you’re going to kiss someone tomorrow, right?

not really.


Hey guys. It’s nine days into the new year and i haven’t write anything in here. Procrastination sucks! This will mark the first entry of 2017 and it is the compulsory new year’s resolution post. sigh i know right?

So lets get right into it !!

write more on this blog – i aim to at least write one post every week. i noticed that my writing ability to be not what it used to when i was younger. i’m kinda embarrassed by this because one would become better as one age, not worse.

Read 10 books – last year, my goal was to read 15 books. i neglected this up until the 10th month, roughly. so i worked out the math and said ‘i can do this if i read a book per week till end of the year’. I wanted to read 8 books in 2 months! and i was quite optimistic about it too! well, it went according to plan, until the last week of December where I couldn’t keep up anymore, with two more books to go. i decided to forget about it and did cross stitching instead, haha. my downfall was that i wasn’t consistent. i should have read a book or two every month. So that’s what i’m gonna do this year. And i lowered my expectation to only 10 books so that it will be quite manageable.

Lose 20 kg – oh god, the dreaded lose weight resolution. i swear every person on the planet have this goal in common. well, this is self explanatory. i just throw in the number just to make it reachable. in reality, i need to lose more. but within a year, 20kg seem manageable. besides, losing weight too quickly is bad for you. it can come back faster and also have loose skin. who wants that? right now my biggest challenge is exercise. also festive food. now i vow to cut back and eliminate junk food and sugary soft drinks. also to eat less carbs/rice.

Learn languages (korean, spanish, german) – well i used to be very passionate about this stuff. i seemed to forget about it over the last couple of years. but i saw a potential in myself lately, while watching korean shows, that i can pick up some phrases quite easily. my mom wouldn’t notice any recurring words or phrases, but i can, and it was HER that watches all the korean things! she’s always surprised that i know some of the words. i just watched the translation, it’s not that hard! well maybe i have some ability that i didn’t know of that will make me learn languages naturally, who knows. well i can sorta put that to the test if i really try to master a freakin language!

Finish what i started – this goal is just in general. i noticed that i like starting a project, but i always left them unfinished. for example: my sewing projects, cross stitiching, blogpost, baking cookies, etc. well, i wanna finish them all. right now, i’m making a baju kurung moden for myself, and i’m picking up cross stitching again. i should just do it! i find that i need to just sit at the machine and just sew if i want to complete my sewing project.

Take care of my skin/body/face – this one is a funny one. i actually wrote down ‘use body cream and face cream’ and ‘wear makeup more often’ in my notes. then i simplify it to this one. i realized that i’m turning 30 this month. I’M 30!!! yikes. i really need to take better care of myself. i noticed lately that my skin has been acting up, with random dry patches popping up on my skin and also the dreaded skin tags and wrinkles. i’m not a normally vain person, but this sudden change kinda freaked me out. and i’m not even that old. so i need to take care of my body more now.

Find a man – this makes me seem so desperate, haha!

Seriously though. The overall theme of this year is personal development. last year has been more of risk taking and be more with other people. it was very outwardly. i find myself trying to fit in and please other people. at the beginning it was fun and i liked belonging to a group or team. but along the way, i’ve realized that i feel more at ease working alone or with a partner. any more, i would feel stifled. sometimes i couldn’t think for myself and i found myself just following others even though i didn’t feel like it.

but the problem with doing things by myself is that, i’m too relaxed and tend to be contented with whatever progress i made, even if it’s small. that makes me stagnant and i feel okay with it. personally i don’t think it’s a bad trait. it’s just the world i live in right now, it demands competitiveness. that is not in my nature. so it helps if there’s someone who’s willing to work with me so they can push me to be my very best. kinda like, lighting fire under my butt, so to speak. bottom line is, i need other people to be successful. this is where a business partner or a best friend comes in. also, networking is key. i learned that through my failed business venture last year. i’m grateful for that experience, because even though we didn’t work as business partners, but they continue to be my friends and we can support each other in the future.

wow i haven’t written this long in a while! it’s 3:30 AM and i think i’m gonna stop here. i may expand on this post in a later date. this is fun! i’ve forgotten how fun it is to write a long rambly post.

hopefully i’ll write again here soon!


i should have listened to my gut feelings before i got into this mess of a business. we’re not treated as business partners, rather her slaves.

now i gotta figure out a way out of this. my mom thinks i should just put my head down and just do my job or do as she says. if i get out of this it’s the same as quitting. well im not quitting! i wanna start over!! i ABSOLUTELY don’t wanna work with her anymore! evar!

it is very tempting to just run away. but then again i need that 5k back. so either i become bold and tell her i don’t wanna do this anymore, or i just stay here for now.

ps my mom never hugged me.


I hate it when I’m concentrating on something difficult and someone suddenly wanna have a conversation with me. I have this person in my sewing class who likes to chat up about things that doesn’t interest me. This morning, I was ready to sew up a poofy sleeve at the machine and she’s asking me all sorts of question. The poofy sleeve was difficult to sew and I had to pay much attention to what I’m doing. And there she was, asking me about my wedding dress, did I make a groom outfit too, and also about my working situation. Right there at the sewing machine! While I was trying hard not to mess up! I really hated her guts from then on. Thankfully the sleeves were successfully attached. I honestly don’t know what’s all that mattered to her. What does my not-working-and-just-staying-at-home got to do with her? I really don’t understand people like this.

crush hurts

I didn’t want to write about this. But it’s bothering me since yesterday.

My crush, Michael Fassbender has a girlfriend. Has been since 2014! See this is why I avoid researching about him. Now I feel shitty finding out about this shit! I hate this feeling. It takes me back to when I was a teenager, finding out about Brian’s getting married. I was so heartbroken. I even had a novel plot of killing his wife and seducing him afterwards. Am I a psycho back then? Nevertheless, that is what I’m feeling now.

Now I’ll probably hate the girl he’s seeing. Her name is Alicia Vikander, and it kinda sounds indian. UGH I can’t believe he’s seeing her. Such bitch, she’s probably cuddling with Fassy right now. I’ve never seen her movies yet. All I know is she won an award for the movie The Danish Girl. She may be nice. But for now she’s a biatch.

God I sound like a teenybopper.

But who’s to say that Fassbender can’t belong to me someday, right?

(that is the most optimistic sentence you’ll ever see me write)

This night I surprised myself by going through my stuff to sort out things I don’t use anymore. Yes, I cleaned.

And I think the best part about this is the nostalgia I feel when looking through my old notes. Also old books that I’ve read. Also old CDs. And I found an old thumb drive.

I’m looking at the content of that thumb drive. Oh the feels! There’s stuff from my old job, my uni days, my music from that era, and also lots of eBooks that I’ve accumulated. I’m so happy.

I think I’m gonna sell those books that I’ve read. But my notes, CD and thumb drive, I’ll keep FOREVER.

oh yeah: I’ve come back from hiatus! gosh since Oct 2015!!!