Monthly Archives: September 2015

a weird vivid dream

Weird dream – most vivid ever, 16 Sept 2015

Like tori finally wanna come to Malaysia for a concert. My mom and brother joined me at this concert. I was like why? They just wanna see the babies which for some reason were in the record that we listened to the night before. The babies sounded cute. So they tagged along just for that. I remember being really nervous that they wouldn’t like the sound of tori, and they might suffer because of it. At the venue, which was kinda small and intimate, like the MPO, there were these babies, and they sat right in front of our row. Of course they loved them. I told them, one of them babies was natashya, tori’s daughter. But in real life, natashya is already 14 years old!

So then, tori started coming out on stage. The stage is very close to the audience. And she started singing Bells for Her and I was like “bells for her! I know this song!” lol. and i don’t even like that song in real life. It is strange that she didn’t have a piano with her and she was singing while walking around the room! And she was sing walking up the aisles like ellen degeneres danced in her show. And all the while, people were going crazy and starts gathering around her, taking pictures. Strangers got Into each other’s photos like they don’t care. I was anxious and didn’t want the moment to slip by. When she reached our row, I proceeded to gather with a bunch of strangers and posing for the group photo. I once looked the wrong way, and felt embarrassed and so corrected myself as fast as I could. Then, tori went on to another row, and I immediately posed besides her, because I wasn’t satisfied at the one before. I felt really happy, and tori was kinda short (which is true, nice effort, subconscious mind!) next to me. A crowd began to gather around us, and posing. But there was no one to take the photo! We began to panic, as seconds go by without anyone taking the picture. It felt like forever. Finally, a person emerged with a camera (I think it was a friend of one of the people who posed with me) but the camera just wouldn’t go off. We were like “is that it? Did you get it?” the flash never go out. So we separated from tori, feeling bad that we wasted her time like that. In the middle of her song, nonetheless!

The girl whose camera belongs too kinda flees the scene. I run after her, wanting to get the photo from her. I wanted to give her my email so that she could send the photo later. She was fast. I got the feeling that she was really embarrassed by her camera mishaps. I went on after her, and she went to a toilet/washroom. Once there, I called after her and looked everywhere but I can’t find her. The inside of the toilet looked dark and disgusting. It was like a maze! I could be lost in there. So I gave up, and walked back out of the maze toilet. I remember I stepped on some moistness on the ground and it felt sticky on my socks (yes, I walk around with just socks on, wtf) and felt disgusting.

I wandered around, suddenly uninterested in finishing my concert. I think maybe because I felt I was smelly and disgusting after leaving the bathroom. Mind you, this is tori we’re talking about, in real life, I would’ve just get in there as soon as possible so to not miss anything!

The second part of this dream was a bit muddy. I don’t remember much from now on. I just know that I found this guy on the street and he’s troubled. Then I remember us getting to a neighbor’s house and eating something. And the elderly woman asks him to wash his hands. And I think I like the guy, lol (always like this).

That’s all i remembered. i love dreaming.


my brother is merry, i am not

yeah, my little brother is in Newcastle right now. we sent him off on Wednesday night. i didn’t write about it because i am sad.

I feel depressed. Not because I miss my brother, but because it should have been me. If I had known it would be this easy, I would have pressed on. I should have persisted. Be bold.

Alas, I can’t turn back time. I really wish I could. It pains me to see my parents being nonchalant and supportive about him studying overseas. Why didn’t they be supportive when i was his age? and also, why was i too responsible? the whole “i don’t wanna burden my mom” and “i need to take care of them” CRAP! who do you think you are, Nash??? a martyr? if you had had your brother’s spirit back then, who knows what you do right now?!! a fucking successful person, i bet!

i can’t believe i’m crying while typing this. oh, this is more serious than i thought.

My mood right now.

lemme tell you about my day

This morning i woke up just in time to get showered and tune in to Charlotte Martin’s Stage It gig. Literally, i barely finished getting dressed when the show started! i love charlotte. she’s an amazing vocalist and pianist. lately, she’s been busy being a mom to two toddlers, so she haven’t been doing any shows in a long time. i’m so glad that i got this opportunity to see her play live, even though just in the comfort of my living room! honestly, Stage It is an amazing website for people like me, who can’t attend concerts ever (yes i still haven’t experience live concert in my 28 years of life). anyways, the show was amazing. her voice is so on point, it’s crazy. she seems so relaxed and excited to be playing again. it feels like we’re there in her room, watching her play. her kids were in the next room, watching alvin and the chipmunks. she keeps on popping cough drops and chugging water from her huge water bottle! she’s just crazy and cool as fuck. it’s hard to believe she’s almost 40… Though i wish the show was longer because i would love to hear her play my favorite songs! she did cover Sia’s Chandelier and Kate Bush’s Running Up That Hill and i love the latter so much!

Then, my brother came down and today he’s free and i decided that i don’t want to stay indoors. so i checked out tgv cinema’s website to know what’s good. it turns out that Inside Out is showing. we were anticipating that movie. so we went to Sunway to catch that movie. i was so broke! my brother was also broke. but thank heavens for credit cards. we were able to buy the tickets using credit card. we were pleasantly surprised that maybank credit cards have an offer for buy one free one! i only have to pay 11 bucks for 2 tickets! though it is strange to pay that small an amount with credit card! at least i didn’t have to pay cash. i only have 2 bucks in my wallet!

After securing our seats, i attempted to withdraw my 30 bucks in my bank account from an atm. i know that maybank atms don’t issue rm10 notes. so i used an ambank atm. turns out they have 10 ringgit notes. but i don’t have sufficient amount left to pay the fee after rm30 was drawn. so i ended up just withdrawing rm20. did you feel sad while reading this?

i used the 20 bucks to buy lunch at mcdonald’s for us two. then, we went to the cinema and my brother bought us soft drinks with his remaining cash. we were too broke for popcorns!!!

the movie was great! please check it out, the title is Inside Out. it is an animation movie by pixar. i hate spoilers, so i won’t way anything more about it other than it is a great movie. i love it so much.

after the movie, i went to the supermarket to buy things for dinner and snacks. my brother went to a sporting attire store instead. at the supermarket, i got all my items and proceeded to pay at the express counter. i had an embarrassing brain fart. as i unloaded my things for the cashier to scan, i noticed there was no credit card terminal. i asked “can i use credit card?” and she’s like “no, cash only” while pointing out the very obvious sign by the side of the counter. by that time, she had scanned an item of mine. i said “i don’t have any cash”. she said she can just cancel the transaction. i got out of there, but then she called me to ask for the item that she had scanned earlier. apparently, she was having problems cancelling the transaction. i waited a long time for them to rectify the problem. i felt bad that i had caused the problem due to my sudden airhead moment. but i was getting restless as it took a long time, almost 20 minutes to resolve the problem. finally, the cashier came back to me bringing my thing. i said thank you and went on to pay at another counter.

then we went home. the end. hahah i’m tired of writing and after that incident above, there’s nothing interesting to tell. oh, one mildly interesting thing happened. a tiny chunk of my hair got tangled onto my hair tie. like seriously, tightly tangled. i couldn’t get the hairs out of there! i spent a good 5 minutes to take it out. i managed to get it to only a few strands left still tangled. at that point it was clear that the remaining hair won’t get out ever! so what did i do? i ripped them out. no not out of my scalp! i essentially snapped my hairs off at the ends. i really hope my hair won’t get damaged after this.

okay i am officially out of things to write. i had a pretty eventful day today. i like it.

Sometimes people just don’t understand me. Or maybe I don’t understand them. It’s sort of like we’re on different wavelengths. I would love to have a person who has the same wavelength as me. Like we can finish each other’s sentences.

Also, I think I have something wrong with my ears. It seems like I have a trouble hearing what people say. I’m not sure if I am the problem, or if they just mumbled? And I almost always need to look at their face in order to understand what they were saying. I feel like such a fool because I would always ask them to repeat themselves. Sometimes, even after they repeated what they were saying, I still don’t understand them. Then, I would just nod it off, playing it cool, as if I understand. I God forbid they actually just asked me a question! They must think I’m crazy or something.


let me tell you what i feel. i feel so disappointed in my ‘work’. this month i only gained RM15 form my so called freelancing subtitle job!

i think i overestimate what this job will give me in terms of money. i had expected the company to give me like 5 episodes every day to edit. but that is the furthest from the truth! from the day i started this job, till today, i have received a total of 2 half hour epidodes. ONLY TWO. WTF. and one hour episode only gave me RM15.

i have to find other jobs to sustain me. i really thought this job can make me live comfortably!!!!!!!!!!