Monthly Archives: July 2015

dilemma

several days ago. my mom told me that my dad had asked her if i wanna study abroad, considering my brother is getting closer to go to the UK. and she asked me. now. when i’m 28 going on 30. wat?

honestly. this would be fun if i was 20. or even 25, when i had just quit my job. but now? i really don’t wanna study anymore. the thought of spending another 3 years for a degree makes me tired. it is so bad, that i don’t even know what to study. my mom said that she should think about my future. if i have a good degree from overseas, i might have a better chance at getting a job that pays well. right now, i really don’t know what to take. i’m not really interested in an MBA. other than that, i don’t really wanna take a second degree. that is like starting all over again. and also means that i’ll be competing with 20 year olds. if i finish the degree in 3 years, i will be 31! ugh seriously, why now?!

as much as i don’t wanna study and don’t know what to study…i really want to live in the US. seems nice.

alsooooo

after the exciting cunning plan with my friend, dee…i just wanna start our sewing business venture. at least we’ll be making money. and start living straight away.

of course i’m jealous of my kid brother, who is getting closer and closer to his dream of studying in the UK. his circumstances are different than mine was 10 years ago. my mom seems to have opened up her horizons lately. i think it might be because her nephew and nieces are now grown up, and some went on to study at decent places around the world. i was the eldest….in my days, there’s no one to look up to. i went through my teenage years till my early 20s on autopilot. it doesn’t help that i’m a kind of person who don’t really know what to do with my life. i always envy those who have one goal in life. ONE clear path. i don’t know what’s wrong with me. maybe it’s because i have too many interests? a sorta “jack of all trades, master of none” situation?

it really seems like my parents want me to further my studies, preferably abroad. haihhhhh. ughhh.

note: i did not write this in a cafe. had to go grocery shopping. and also, i bought some fabrics for sewing projects. i found RM 3 per meter fabric! i bought 5 meters. perfect for practicing sewing baju kurung ❤ imagine, 5 meters for RM15!!!!!

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i feel neglected

in this house it seems like everybody is doing their own thing. when i talk, people rarely listen. i rant about things and all i get is glazed eyes staring blankly. as i finished my statements, they don’t really reply or acknowledge what i had just said. im invisible. how i wish i could start my new life elsewhere as soon as possible.

i hate korean dramas!!! so predictable now. especially the ones with 100+ episodes.

i’m almost finished with my Amanda Palmer book, The Art of Asking. when people ignored me, i went to my room and read. this had been beneficial to my reading.

my mom dropped a bombshell on me the other day. i need time to explain it here. i am really in a bind right now. see you soon. maybe tomorrow i will compost my story while in a cafe?

smells like teen spirit

To Dee, this is the song that I told you about, the one i’m currently trying to learn on the piano. though to be honest, i’ve been trying to learn this piece for a loooooong time now. probably since two years ago. but, knowing me, i kinda get on it on and off all these time. i really need to be consistent in every thing that i do. once, i had actually mastered the right hand part of the song till completion, but i stopped practicing for some time and completely forgotten how to play it now! what a waste!

i love this song so much. for those who didn’t know, this is originally by the band Nirvana. probably the most popular song by them. then Tori covered this song, and transformed it into a haunting piano ballad. and it’s my favorite cover song by Tori. Below you will enjoy (hopefully) the Tori cover and also the original by Nirvana. notice the difference! i have read somewhere that Kurt Cobain actually liked it, and used to slow dance to it with his wife.

p/s: to dee, since you’re not on social media sites anymore, lets just share anything that we discovered on our respective blogs? sometimes when i encountered something cool on the net, i find myself wanting to share with you, but did not know where to share it! our blogs seems to be the perfect place to share things, don’t you think?

…..

Tomorrow I will start my sewing class again after close to two weeks of holidays. Bummer. I kinda dread it. I guess I’m gonna finish up my men’s jubah. Technically I haven’t even finished cutting the fabrics yet. I’m the slowest in class.

I just think to myself I need to just survive these two days. Then I feel relief again. And the cycle continues till November, I guess.

evolving feeling

I finally decided to look up on his profile on IMDB. Haha it’s funny how I had a crush on him all this while, yet I don’t know a thing about him. There’s a lot of things that I’ve learned by reading his bio. And now I find that my feeling of lust towards him has surprisingly subsided. I began to wonder why. And I came to this conclusion… Maybe what I was feeling before was pure lust over his physical appearance. Now that I’ve known about his mannerism and quotes, he seems more fleshed out, more human. And I feel more admiration, rather than lust. Which is a good thing.

He lives in London. And that makes me daydream about possibly running into him when I go to London in the future. Hopefully he’s not at the level where he would need bodyguards and pesky paparazzi swarming around!

Later, hopefully I will find the courage to watch his interviews on youtube.

obligatory raya post

On the first day of raya: my mother cooked Laksa Johor. We went to my dad’s house and visit the other family. In the evening, my uncles and aunts family from my mother side visited our home.

Second day: we went to Opah’s house. Opah and Atuk are my cousins grandparents. I ate a lot. Then we went to aunty Farah’s house which was broken into the morning. Poor her…bloody robbers robbed her house on raya which supposed to be a happy day.

Third day: we went to my grandmother’s house in melaka. There, all of Syed Omar’s family gathered. only one person was missing, my cousin Nana. She’s still in the states. We edited her face in the family photo later. It was funny.

All in all, I’m satisfied with my raya time this year. It was just nice. Not too many people, yet enough to fill my social needs.

feels like a new home

hey all, guess what? my mom finally caved in and installed air conditioners in our home!

check this out!

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yay!

i now feel like i’m in someplace else. my mother also rearranged some furniture around, so that also played a part in the “am-i-in-another-place?” vibe. we also have new sofas. yep my mom has been generous as of late. i’m blessed in that regard.

so after like 28 years living in a warm fan-operated house, i finally have cold air to immerse myself in. yay again.

[though the downside(sorta) is that when i go upstairs to my room, it seems so hot in comparison to the cold downstairs. nowadays i dread going upstairs to sleep! can’t complain though. we can’t have it all.]

running out of ideas

It seems that i have run out of ideas of what to write in this blog. so i might write some trash things that will embarrass me or the people who read my blog. i hope you don’t mind. smiles.

Lately i feel so lonely. i’m so lonely, that i started to fantasize about a man. a future husband, maybe. when i go to bed, i imagine him laying beside me. and i feel so happy that i have someone i can love, and who loves me back. omg it feels so weird typing this weird shit! hope i don’t freak anybody out!

the sad/freaky thing is, i think i’m in love with this actor. and i’ve always felt something when i saw him. in reddit, we call it a ‘ladyboner’, as in, i get so turned on and ladies’ boners are not visible. haha. this feeling towards him, i’ve never felt it since i had a crush on someone in school, and also not since Gerard Way of my chemical romance. i was 18. it’s been so long! and now it’s here again, and it’s more intense than ever. it got to the point that it pains me to watch him in any movie anymore. my heart aches every time i saw his face. and…now i’m imagining him as my husband?!

i’m not a teen anymore! i don’t need this feeling! why?! it’s not like i can marry him for reals!

fml

sibling jealousy

I feel the strong urge to travel. I wish I was rich so that I can travel the world without any care if I could afford it or not. My lil brother is getting closer and closer to study in the UK. Every time that topic is brought up, I can’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy. Of course I am happy for him. I want him to do better that his lousy sister. I want him to have a better future that I am in right now. It’s great that he can have this kind of opportunity that I wasn’t exposed to in my days. Oh, to be young again. Everything is possible…But I can’t help but feel jealous of him. In about 2 months time, he’ll be leaving me to a better place, while I will be stuck here for a very long time. I can just imagine him having fun and sending pictures of him having fun. And I will cry because I ache to be in his place.

what i cooked for today’s breaking fast

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Does it look delicious? I cooked all of that! At first, the kitchen tap slowly ran out of water and I couldn’t cook. But at 4.30PM I checked the tap and there’s water. So I cooked. I was really in the mood to cook today. I went to the supermarket and buy groceries alone. My brother’s too lazy and still sleeping when I told him.

Anyway…

here’s the name of the dishes that i prepared for my mom and me (my bro break fast with friends outside) for breaking fast:

Gulai Ayam or also known as Asam Pedas Ayam

Sotong masak hitam or squids cooked in their ink…hahah

Beansprout with chives stir-fry

Thank God all of it turned out so nice and delicious. The only downside is the squids are a little tough. But they taste good. I feel weird complimenting my own cooking!!

That’s all that’s interesting today…